By Shari Downhill
It took me almost five decades to realize that Hallmark has Mothers Day all wrong.
Okay…mostly wrong. It’s not just about mothers. From today forward I declare Mothers Day as a day to recognize Mothering in all forms.
Don’t get me wrong, honoring the women who gave birth to us, kept us clean, fed and protected, schooled, and alive through our teenage years, stood by us through our 20s, 30s and on is something we should attend to daily. But Mothers Day should be bigger than that.
Mothers Day shouldn’t be reserved exclusively for women who have delivered human children into this world through biological procreation. It should be a day to honor the Universality of Mothering - the maternal heart muscle that keeps the juice flowing so that this life is more than survival.
Mothering is maternal nature put into action. Mothering is a verb. And it is present anytime life is nurtured in any form.
In dictionary terms Mothering is defined as nurturing, watching over, to foster, protect, treasure, tend, discipline, educate, feed, instruct, nourish, raise, rear, support, and sustain. That’s a big load for one woman.
As I’ve thought about that, watching my daughters from across the dinner table, listening to my son over the telephone, watching my youngest in a fitful sleep, I am deeply appreciative that I do not, and have never, stood alone in the raising of my children.
My children have thrived thanks to a host of nurturers who have wrapped willing hearts around them. Their paths have been illuminated by an amazing array of people I know only by brief mention of a name. Some I will never know.
These people did not birth my children, but they have Mothered them. They have nurtured them, taught them, protected them, supported and sustained them. And I am forever grateful to the women and men who have nourished my children’s spirits and minds. This, to me, is authentic Mothering. And it’s not gender specific.
Mothering is that strong hand leading us across an uncertain bridge. It’s the patience to wait when we stumble and the wisdom to let that happen. It’s the reassuring voice when we disintegrate and a quiet presence when words don’t fit. My own nurturers have been many - older men and women who have stepped up beside me when I needed them, and slipped away when I no longer did. In looking back, their grace in knowing that timing still amazes me.
I have been Mothered by friends and strangers my own age and younger. I’ve learned this phenomenon is not limited to unidirectional elder to youth. When there is a need, Mothering happens regardless of age.
The greatest Mothering of all has come from my own children. They have nurtured me, fed my soul, pushing me to the limits of what I could withstand. They have taught me the value of my life, supported me in my false starts and loved me through my stumbling. When I have been too weary to go on they have lent me strength through their love, humor and loyalty. When I have erred they have mended the wounds with forgiveness. All of these things define Mothering.
So, from today on I propose that we celebrate Mothering Day and at least for this one day we recognize the fact that Mothering is about taking care of one another.
That’s a big job – one that takes all of us.
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